Depending on the time of day a drink for one could be a morning coffee, afternoon tea, evening wine or later whiskey why? Because I’m settling in for a chat… with myself.
Apparently around the age of seven our self-consciousness kicks in and we stop talking to our imaginary friends and ourselves. Well I lost my imaginary friend, Babe she was called, and we had a big farewell when she went on to her life though her massive door in my bedroom wall. Two years later we moved house and I knew Babe and me would and have never met again, I wonder what she is up to now? Despite saying bye to Babe I did not stop was talking to myself, I couldn’t stop the verbal diarhorie would fall out of my mouth.
Thankfully at school, when I was around people I would not provide my running commentary of my life, except my parents and grandparents they got to listen to the full gusto. I like to think of it as an Alan Bennett Monologue with more pazzas.
Over the past 5 years I have been mulling over why I talk to myself still more, mainly due to starting university and the wait till when I was going to get caught out. As soon as we reached shared houses it happened. I would think I was alone and next thing someone would creep into the kitchen catching me unaware and then I would question was I talking about them and that pan they hadn’t washed?
I haven’t stopped talking to myself, I have struggled trying and it just comes out of me. So I find best to make a drink and sit down for the ride. Now still you won’t find me out in public talking aloud, I do it in the comfort of my nice empty flat now. These moments allow me to get through problems, feelings, things that are going on and to be done and helping me to prioritise. It is like separating the pieces out to make a jigsaw and completing it.
Autumn last year Stylist published an article, ‘Did I say that out loud?’. After reading the piece I realised I was always going to talk to myself and I was ready to begin accepting it. The article points out that theories suggest that “the long-held societal belief that talking to ourselves is ‘the first sign of madenss’” but this is the opposite according to psychotherapist Nadian Al-Jarrah “talking helps you to process, think about different points of view, to crystallise and clarify”. Since reading this I feel far more confident and encouraged to say and be okay that I talk to myself.
The article goes on to say that experts say that “Olympic athletes, CEO’s and Nobel Peace Prize winners all practice self talk.” So I’ll see you all in Tokyo then after I’ve saved the world with my drink for one on my nobel coaster.
It may have taken me a year to be fully fledged ready for my scout badge but ‘I’m Caroline Barlow and I talk to myself’ YEAH!
Stylist article “Did I say that out loud?” by Caroline Corcoran 13th Oct 2015